good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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