He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
