Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
