I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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