I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
