I'm gonna have a badass scar
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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