Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
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