Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
