I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Randomize
