yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
