apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
