he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
