i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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