now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
She bit a glass in half.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I need a beard to bite.
Randomize
