I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
i think my cat just said my name.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
