whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
so that wasnt chicken after all
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
