I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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