His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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