My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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