long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
