is your mom at the bar?
Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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