i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
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