Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
