i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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