I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
