There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
