we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
