I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
