I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize