i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
