Are you still at the party or did I leave?
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
