my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
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