Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Randomize
