If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
