You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
