Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
