Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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