i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
