If that was your dad, he is hot
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
