A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
