Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
