The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
