just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
