Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
