hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
PANTIES FOUND
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