I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize