That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
