I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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