Can i not drive my cunt home
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Randomize
