yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
