Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
i've created a new STD.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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