Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Randomize
