Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Randomize
