I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
