Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
my shit smells like andre
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
