I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Randomize
