her facebook's as public as her vagina
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize