I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize