....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
