i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
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