his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
