I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
