Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
