Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize