Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
