she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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