I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
