how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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