I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
